After just 5 days of using IELTS Writing Academy, one of my students was able to produce an essay of the very highest quality. I am so proud of her and she has kindly agreed to let me share it with everyone.
Here it is:
In Britain, when someone gets old they often go to live in a home with other old people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care.
Who do you think should pay for this care, the government or the family?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
In recent years, the number of people who live in nursing homes in England, Wales and Scotland has been increasing. Some people believe that the family should pay for the care of nursing homes. However, I argue that the government should take responsibility for the cost. The first reason is that some people are too old to pay for the care of other family members and the second reason is that some families cannot afford to pay for the care.
The government should pay for the cost of nursing homes because some family members are also too old to pay for the cost of care. Some countries have an aging population due to healthier lifestyles and the advanced state of medical technology. Take Japanese society as an example; it is predicted that one-third of the population in 20 years will be over 65 years. This means that 70 year old people might have to pay for the care of their elderly parents in the future. I therefore believe that taxpayer money should pay for elderly care.
The second reason is that the financial situation varies depending on the family. In the case that families cannot afford to pay for the cost, they have to take care of their elderly loved ones. While some people think it is natural to take care of elderly people and they are willing to bath them, feed them and shower them, other people find it very difficult. It is not uncommon that family members use financial, physical, and psychological abuse on their elderly parents because of the stress from taking care of them. For example, there were an increase in the number of cases of euthanasia in countries where this is legal during the recent global economic recession.
In conclusion, I strongly agree with the idea that the state should pay for the care of the aged because some family members are too old to pay for them and it might be a heavy burden to take care of them at home. Therefore, the government should establish their pension system for the care of elderly citizens.
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Honestly, i dont find the first paragraph related to the topic as its specific to Britain. The paragraph has a topic sentence “some family members are also too old to pay for the cost of care” but explanantion for the same is related to “some country”. I know the idea does not need to be amazing but it should be related.
I think you might be overcomplicating it! Yumiko didn’t need to make the first paragraph specifically about Britain. Many people don’t have much cultural experience with Britain, so it wouldn’t be fair to expect them to be able to write at length about British people specifically. The most important thing you need to do is answer the question (Who do you think should pay for this care, the government or the family?) very clearly and accurately. If you have any further questions or would like our team of IELTS teachers to help you prepare for your exam, please feel free… Read more »
Great essay! Simple but very concise with various lexical resources.
hehehe
Hi. Thank you for all your work !!! Is it her real essay in the exam? For this one, I think something between 7.5 and 8.0.