Lots of you have been asking me to write an essay with a balanced approach, or in other words when you agree with both sides. I normally advise my students to pick one side or the other, as this leads to a very clear opinion, but here is a sample that takes a more balanced view.
Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults.
Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
It is often argued that children should be motivated to be more competitive, while others feel that cooperation is a more important value to instill in youngsters. This essay will discuss both these views, before coming to the conclusion that they are equally valid.
It is important that young people are pushed to be the best they can possibly be, in whatever pursuit they take part in. This drive to win boosts their work ethic and teaches them that hard work and discipline are the keys to success. For example, it was shown in a recent study by Queen’s University that students who won something in sports before they reached the age of 14, were 42% more likely to go on to third-level education than those who did not. Despite this, the development of a child requires not only a will to win, but also lessons on the value of teamwork.
Working as part of a team strengthens our empathy, selflessness and make us more responsible toward others. If one were to want to win at the expense of those around us, it is likely that we would alienate our peers and become detached from any team we operate in. For example, Michael Jordan was often criticised by his coaches for being too competitive in practice and overly critical of his team mates and he had to change for the sake of his team.
In conclusion, our young ones should be taught to try their best to achieve their goals, but this should also be balanced with the importance of working with others. Both are equally important and will result in a more balanced young adult.
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6 Comments on "IELTS Essay – Balanced Approach"
In discussing both views and asking for your opinion, do you need to explain your opinion on what to choose on the 3rdparagraph aside from the conclusion?
Hello Chris
Can I write introduction of a discuss both view essay like this,
Currently, universities allow students opportunity to choose courses which they are interested in studying. However, some people argue that, it will be beneficial if students choose subjects relating to science and technology for future gains. This essay will look at both points with a reasoned conclusion.
Thank You.
Not really, because you have not given your opinion.
I am not too good writing module.need band 6 in writing. may i get this quality writing so that i can easily follow. I need it badly
Is it okay that the first example is not in detail?
I would say that you should try to make all of your examples as specific as possible. You only need 2-3 per essay.